Raindrops on Roses

I dropped the kids off today at Vacation Bible School.  The house is quiet.  I have to say that when you have the quiet, the awareness that it is you and God is undeniable.  My heart stirred within me to pray, to read, to ponder.  (and clean.. , don’t judge!)  But after I scrambled through the house to make it appear clean, I sat back down to reflect and be with God.  Then it hit me… how often do we scramble through our lives trying to appear clean?  Not to others, but even to ourselves.  We do the best we can with the mess that is obvious, and the deep down cleaning gets overlooked or run by.  But it’s in these quiet moments that the deep dirty comes to the surface and there is nothing to do but fall on our faces and ask God to cleanse us and wash us and walk every step with us.  Today as I sat in the stillness and looked up to God, I saw how infrequent I do this.  I saw that my heart can cause tears to flow as soon as I am alone with God, because I’ve missed it, and passed it by.  I only wanted to write this to encourage you all.  I’m going back to my quiet and bask in God’s glory.  Make time to be alone with God each day.  You will be amazed at the powerful connection God has with you when you sit with him undistracted… just you and God.  I pray for all of us that like Moses, we can see His Glory as we sit with Him and that when we leave, His light will be shining through us.

“Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

It’s okay to be still… He has it under control.  He knows the ending.  We all can spare moments of our day to thank Him, pray for our children, melting away all stress and dirty and walking around as God’s clean vessel.

On a lighter note, I’d like to point out that even in the “need to clean” mode, God used that to teach me something invaluable.  Again, He’s got it under control.  :-)

Wanted to share that I’m contemplating this passage today.  Hope to have time to write about it later.  The older I get the more I realize that this verse is true.  Nothing new.  I am seeing things that have been done, be done again.  Bizarre.  It feels mundane… like dishes, but it also comes with a bit of comfort knowing that others have walked where I walk, experienced the same things, and survived…. I think.  :-)  Good or bad… there is no complaint in my life, worry maybe, about repeating mistakes with the kids etc.  Think about it.  There is so much wrapped up in that small verse.

So, my baby is 11.  What a difference.  Actually… maybe it’s not.  She is just as stubborn as she was when she was little and wouldn’t go to bed without being rocked to sleep.  :-)  I know she is going through so much internally (hormones) and I feel sad that I can’t take all the changes from her… but it is what makes her who she will someday be… a woman.

Crazy isn’t it?  I am a mother of children that will be men and women.  What an absolute blessing.  Yesterday Benjamin didn’t have his best day.  Jade, without being asked, got up and started straightening the house and got Lauren a snack.  Then she told me to go for walk or go get coffee and she’d watch the kids.  She wanted to bless me so badly.  I told her that she blesses me, just by being her and that even Benjamin having a bad day, my love never changes and I’m always blessed.  As I talked to my husband last night he used the word “amazing” when describing Jade.  And that she is.  She can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worth while…  (Mary Tyler Moore) In all seriousness she is gifted with the ability to know exactly how she can help.  Like seeing that while I was dealing so much with Ben during the day, I didn’t get to straighten things up.  Imagine coming down from the room where you were working hard with one of your children, and you get to the bottom of the stairs and the housework is done.. and not their housework (chores) but the ones that are your own chores.  No, it doesn’t happen every day.  But that isn’t the point.  I can do chores, that isn’t the wow amazing part.  The amazing part is having a daughter who sees the need and uses her gift to bless me.  Just a shout out for my baby girl, who will soon be a woman.  And a great woman at that!  Thank you Jesus!

My son writes all over his work pages..  Does yours?  My goodness.  Every time he stops to think he scribbles all over the subject.  It drives me nuts!  lol  I don’t know what to do though.  I ask him to stop and he says okay and two minutes later starts again.  Maybe it’s no big deal?  But I need to keep his records, and I’d like them to be legible.  Hmmmm……

I was talking with someone recently about the “boring” parts of marriage.  We revised this word to mean “routine” or “consistent.”  It’s amazing how changing one word can change one’s outlook.  We are surrounded by television, books, movies etc. that always have the girl and her knight.  Sometimes the girl is independent and in need of no one and after a persistent beau shows up time and again to tell her how beautiful and strong she is, she didn’t even believe she needed love.  Sometimes, the girl is spoiled and finally she meets a guy who tells her how it is and doesn’t give her her way, and then.. she falls deeply in love because he is the only one who can speak to her this way.  Most of the time, this is when the story ends.  Fairytales always end when the two have fallen in love.  That “awe” moment when they gaze into each other’s eyes and walk into the sunset.  Take these shows and movies and books into the future, and that is when the love truly starts.  The endurance.  The “boring” part.  Sparks aren’t always flying.  You don’t touch hands and lose your breath as you change that babies dirty diaper.  lol It’s life.  Speaking after seventeen years of marriage, I’ll tell you that while the adjustment of goose bumps at every touch, to the day in and day out of life is an adjustment.  But and that is a HUGE but, it’s so much better.  Most people want that beginning feeling all the time, that includes me too.  Feeling like you are the only thing in the world that matters to someone and that the sight of you makes his whole day is an irreplaceable feeling.  But I think someone needs to say that it’s even more exciting to be in love with someone who lives this life and has the world swirling around him and sometimes doesn’t have time to call you in a day, but on the way home, he’s coming home to you.  And he sits next to you and tells you about his day and asks about yours.  The hands touching… Rudy and I laugh when we remember feeling a “spark” when we’d touch.  Now half the time we are smackin’ each other’s hand and saying..”get away, I’ll do it!” or something funny like that.  I go up for a hug and he tries some jiu jitsu move on me before I get the hug…lol  We rock paper scissors for who changed diapers, who does dishes, who disciplines the kids.  And.. cover your eyes if you don’t want to see the “s” word, but sex is so much better after years of getting to know each other.  :-)  Ok, that’s all on that.  But love should be interpreted as life together, not fireworks.  Fireworks are fun, do doubt.  Stolen looks are instant gratification of our need to be wanted.  But a consistent life with your best friend… that’s what I have, and that’s what I pray all those I love have and/or find.  God is so good to us.  My husband is my knight in shining armor.  Will he ever have to duel for my honor?  Uh no!  lol but if he had to, he would.  Will he ever need to kiss me at the stroke of midnight to save me from death?  Nope!  But he would.  He may not get the chance to show his knightness as in the movies, but he shows it.  Making sure the kids respect me, driving an hour to work to supply, dying to himself every day to put me first… just a few.  So my point?  Don’t think of your marriage as “boring.”  Don’t think of diapers, and dinners, and dirty house and on and on and on… Try to think of the fact that you have the blessing to share your life with people who need diapers changed, who need dinners and who dirty your house and most of all, that you have a husband/friend to share it all with.  A “consistent” love!

I obviously woke up thankful this morning…lol… lucky you!  haha

I’m sure I have other posts on time.  It has to be one of life’s most complex ideas.  One I’m sure we’ll never have answer to.  Today I ponder the ideas that make life feel torn.  My children are growing.  They are smart and beautiful/handsome.  They have manners.  Benjamin held open a very heavy door the other day for two ladies… it was so cute.  He was a gentleman and I wish he was on video looking like the door was going to slam in on him and two ladies…lol  So, that’s one hand.  Torn?  Yes, because I want them to be small forever!  I want them to grow, and I love watching all of the wonderful things they learn and do… but it’s passing so quickly.  Jade just got braces.  She has raging hormones.  She has her first crush.  Benjamin is so tall.  Very smart.  Lauren is already the age Jade was when we had Ben.  It is just passing and passing.  Joy and sadness at the same time.